The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later
The bear is yelling
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
A police officer pulls over the guy
He goes up
The man says, "Sorry
"Okay, fine
"I can't do that either (это я тоже не могу сделать). I am a hemophiliac
"Well, then we need an urine sample
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic
"All right then I need you to come out here and walk this white line
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?
"Because I'm too drunk to do that! (
A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need an urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too drunk to do that!"
Why not?
A man went to the Police Station
"You'll get your chance in court
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
I've been trying to do that for years!
Two robbers were robbing a hotel
The second one
The first one screamed back
Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!"
The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!"
The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."
This is no time to be superstitious!
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations
The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs
The client asked, "What? How's that possible?
The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.
The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000."
The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"
The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
What? How's that possible?
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over
"No problem at all
John thought for a minute
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that driver's license."
Is there a problem?
What do you think you're going to do with the money?
Well, I guess I'll get the driver's license.
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car
However
A blonde phoned police to report that thieves had been in her car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," she cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
Never mind.
I did that by mistake.
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time
"No," she shouts back
A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window… "Pull over!"
"No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"
Police Chief
New Recruit: Call for backup!
Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!
You'll be faced with some difficult issues.